As we head towards Valentine’s Day and its heart-shaped candy boxes, our thoughts turn to fantasies of romance. Some fantasies are healthy and inspire creativity and vision, but are fantasies predominating your emotional life and keeping you from the\u00a0\u00a0real\u00a0relationships\u00a0 that could serve you and fill your heart? The answer may surprise you, even if you consider yourself firmly grounded in reality.
\nOur society loves romantic fantasy. Movies, books, and TV shows abound with love stories brimming with timeless longing and the devotion of soul-mates.\u00a0 We are conditioned towards two major fantasy themes:\u00a0\u00a0perfection\u00a0\u00a0and\u00a0\u00a0conflict. \u00a0\u00a0 Sensitive, dashing, romantic\u00a0 fantasy “soul-mates” answer our wildest dreams of perfection; someone who wants\u00a0nothing more than to pour on passion, interest and dedication to our every need while conflict generates excitement and intensity.\u00a0 Many romance stories detail the delicious build-up of a relationship; stolen moments, glances, and giddy feelings of anticipation.\u00a0 But do you know of many romantic fantasy novels about 20 year married couples or any that show the process of actually\u00a0being\u00a0\u00a0in a relationship?\u00a0 Have you ever noticed that\u00a0once a couple with lots of romantic chemistry on a TV show finally hooks up, we start to lose interest because the friction isn’t there anymore?\u00a0 Or how TV-show writers and film writers devise conflicts to keep things fresh?
\nFantasies aren\u2019t just for TV and movies.\u00a0 A fantasy is anything that keeps your focus somewhere other than right here, right now, on the connections right in front of you. A fantasy will always keep some\u00a0prize\u00a0\u00a0somewhere else, just out of reach while a\u00a0real\u00a0\u00a0relationship\u00a0is something that lives, breathes and functions here in the present moment. You may believe on an unconscious level that real relationships don\u2019t measure up and that fantasies are about passion and intensity.\u00a0 In reality, they deaden our heart and keep us walled off from real experiences. \u00a0 Here are common fantasies that can intrude on real relationship and what to do about them:
\n*The Past Was Perfect\u00a0\u00a0 This is a spin on the fantasy of perfection.\u00a0 Someone who used to be in your life represents your\u00a0perfect love.\u00a0\u00a0Your memories become sacred to the extent that you build a shrine to this old love in your heart…. nobody else measures up.\u00a0 Secretly, you’ve never let go of your past love and so you’re closed to new relationships.\u00a0 Allowing yourself to move into real relationships can put your old relationship in its proper place.\u00a0 Value your memories in perspective and\u00a0remember that\u00a0\u00a0new\u00a0people (here and now) can connect to you and have relationships with you that are just as rich and wonderful and different from what came before.\u00a0 Honouring the past does not mean living in it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (This is also true if you have the dark fantasy “the past was terrible and I’m scared to be hurt again”)
\n*I’m Looking for Perfect \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You want a man who is 6’5″ inches tall, has one green eye, one brown eye, who drives a Ferrari and owns a Portuguese water dog. He has a sense of humour, is charming at parties, knows how to cook a mean souffl\u00e9 and he’s your soul mate. \u00a0 In this\u00a0perfection\u00a0\u00a0fantasy your requirements for love, companionship and how the other person should act are so specific and demanding that you find yourself constantly let down by the real flaws, foibles, or insecurities of real people. Moreover, your fantasy expectation is about a relationship “object” that is there to serve you and fill you up, – not about someone you can relate to as a full person. To bring real relationships in,\u00a0feel strong enough in\u00a0yourself\u00a0\u00a0that you can let the laundry-list of “musts” drop.\u00a0 Real people and soul-connections are human beings with fears and dreams just like you and there is a rich reward in getting to know someone fully. \u00a0 Trust that being real, you can connect to someone wonderful and\u00a0 that if you give people a chance and learn about them, you could be surprised at how much love your expectations have been hiding from you.<\/p>\n
* Someday\u2026\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 He\/she may be living on the moon, on a nine year mission in the desert, in another relationship or somewhere other than having a connected relationship with you. You (or the other person) are always cooking up reasons why right now isn\u2019t good enough\u00a0 to commit to the relationship in front of you. \u00a0 There are ups and downs and distance in real relationships, but this is a\u00a0fantasy connection involving distance.\u00a0 The relationship only exists in an envisioned future instead of what is happening right now. \u00a0“Someday we\u2019re going to have the best life\u2026\u201d or “Someday when he leaves his girlfriend….”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 or “Someday, when we’re both in the right place\u2026”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 To move into a real relationship, ground yourself to the truth of what is really in front of you\u00a0right\u00a0\u00a0now\u00a0and find out whether it\u2019s time to commit to the next level or time to let go.\u00a0 \u00a0 Open yourself to the life that is unfolding around you and the love that is in the present and nearby instead of at a distant point on the horizon… “someday.”
\n*I Love Conflict\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Your fantasy relationship must be exciting and passionate at all times. New love feels passionate and thrilling and then, well… it doesn’t. You may find yourself easily feeling physically, mentally or emotionally bored by relationships and may crave drama, fights, or negativity to keep things exciting (and so you can feel the rush of longing and reunion over and over again.) You may even\u00a0cause\u00a0\u00a0chaos or break-ups in relationships to keep a level of intensity pumping at all times but without feeling intimacy.\u00a0\u00a0 To trade conflict for realness, remember that relationship is not supposed to be your only source of excitement and meaning.\u00a0 Chances are, you’re missing a connection to yourself and your own inner passion which keeps you seeking it on the outside like a love adrenaline junky.\u00a0 A real relationship can be fresh and exiting in a balanced, mutually beneficial way that provides new thrills. Give yourself tools to deal with boredom and to create positive excitement and adventure.
\n* I Love a Purple Unicorn\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This fantasy is the purest of fantasies.\u00a0 You are fixated on something or someone that isn’t even real.\u00a0 It could be that your imagination has conjured up someone you\u00a0want\u00a0\u00a0to see in front of you but who, in reality, is very different from your perception.\u00a0 Perhaps you’re in denial about the person you care about, or you may be simply looking for something that doesn’t exist.\u00a0 This quest never ends.\u00a0 Searching for unicorns may feel “safe” to part of you that is afraid of being hurt if you entered into a real relationship with a real person.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 To move into reality, allow yourself to say goodbye to the Purple Unicorn and allow yourself to see what is right in front of you.\u00a0\u00a0 Real people are not perfect and no relationship is guaranteed t
\no always make you feel wonderful, but the rewards are worth it.\u00a0 True love is a million times more amazing than any fantasy could ever be.
\nUltimately dispelling fantasies is all about self love and willingness.\u00a0 If you trust yourself, love yourself and connect to yourself then you can trust that you can deal with anything a real-life-right-now relationship can toss your way.\u00a0\u00a0 No other person can fulfill your life’s meaning, your purpose, or your connection to excitement… these are within\u00a0\u00a0you\u00a0and are the gifts that you bring to a true relationship. With the truth of who you are, and with your full and open heart, you can move past conflict and perfection and into something lasting, real and rewarding.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As we head towards Valentine’s Day and its heart-shaped candy boxes, our thoughts turn to fantasies of romance. Some fantasies are healthy and inspire creativity and vision, but are fantasies predominating your emotional life and keeping you from the\u00a0\u00a0real\u00a0relationships\u00a0 that could serve you and fill your heart? The answer may surprise you, even if you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":220,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,7,12,15,26,27,28,29,30,34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dreams","category-empowerment","category-love-relationships","category-mind-body-spirit","category-singles","category-soul-connections","category-soul-mates","category-spiritual-healing","category-sprituality","category-twin-flames"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t