By Gertrude: For those of you who have fallen in love with someone who is in another relationship, or has left you for another relationship, this is a very difficult period. This article holds no judgments. It simply acknowledges the fact that infidelity exists and that all participants are human beings with emotions and triggers.
There are many reasons that someone can find themselves in this situation. There are also many different situations that exist. In addition to that we have a vast array of beliefs and lifestyles too. If you are in this situation, then your set of circumstances is unique.
Right now you will be experiencing doubt, anxiety and stress. This creates a cocktail of chemicals in our bodies. Often our decisions, our emotions and feelings are affected by this. You find yourself in a situation of reality where nothing really actually makes sense.
It is okay for something not to make sense because indeed many things don’t. Looking for an answer or a solution to this can create melancholy and self doubt. It can also affect other aspects of your physical life. Your relationship with friends. Your attention to your career or professional aspirations.
What we do know is that everyone is hurting.
Understanding the situation can bring wisdom and mindfulness. This is, however, much harder to achieve than what people imagine.
Let’s take a look at the key component, the person who is married or in another relationship. It of course can be that both parties are married.
Authentically falling in love with someone and embarking on an affair doesn’t make anyone a bad person. However, what is important is the actions that follow.
While it is true that many relationships are unhappy or they stay together for family or financial benefits and reasons, it can also be a lack of mindfulness and effective communication that need to be addressed.
If you are in a situation where you have found out your partner is having an affair or has left you for someone else, this can be blindsiding. Now is not the time to be distracted by the other person. Now is the time to nurture yourself. To regain some balance and create powerful and enriching thoughts, deeds and actions for you.
If you are in a relationship and truly have fallen in love with someone else and you are torn, know that with kindness and empathy you can move forward within your own inner knowledge and begin to not only be honest with yourself. But to take into consideration everyone’s best long term interests.
For many years I have been seeing genuine polygamists find themselves in this situation. It is absolutely true that you can love more than one person romantically at the same time. If this is the case for you, it will be difficult to choose. It is a lifestyle preference. The problem is though everyone needs to be aware of your real intentions.
This is where effective communication brings reward. Being honest with yourself first will propel you forward. Now is the time though to step back and articulate your inner feelings with everyone. Look at what the destination you are really looking for is.
If you have discovered that the person you are in a relationship with has a significant other you will be feeling vulnerable and under prepared for the emotional pendulum that comes with this situation.
For many of you, you will be trying to desperately turn off the emotions and end the relationship. For others you are in love and your mindset is that if this is a true soul connection, then you want to explore the possibilities of him making a choice between the two of you.
To fight for love makes no sense. Envy, jealousy are not the ingredients that create a solid foundation for anything. Two important rules never to ignore is:
1) Never wait. Waiting for someone’s relationship to end delays your growth in all senses.
2) Have an expiry date. For many of you, this could already have gone on for years.
Actions need to speak louder than words and it is important now to create those boundaries that enable you to have the love you deserve.
Every single one of us deserves love, happiness and loyalty. Sometimes how we find it is a difficult path. Whatever your situation, it is important that you remain on your own path. To not make sacrifices for your own best outcomes. Not all sacrifices are worth it if it affects our emotional well being at the end of the day.
If you would like to have a chat with me, I would love to look into your situation for insight and perhaps some answers that will enable you to feel happier, safer and more secure within yourself.
Don’t neglect yourself. This is your meantime, a wonderful phase where you water your own lawn. The key to your inner happiness and mindfulness can be accessed no matter what is going on for you.
Love and Light,