Self-Love For Men

By Sue: I wanted to talk specifically about men because there can tend to be a view that self-love is something for women to concern themselves with. Self-love is not only for women, and men need to give themselves permission to love themselves, just as much, if not more, than women do.

There is a general misconception that men are un-feeling, that they are cold or dead inside, that they have no compassion or understanding of what it is like to feel deeply. This is a misconception; men are people with hearts, who feel, just like women do. The difference is that men largely have been brought up to keep their feelings inside of themselves, to squash them down, to hide them at all costs. Men are expected to be strong, and allow their women to be weak. We now know that women are not weak, we need to catch up now and realise that men don’t always want to have to appear ‘strong’ by closing off their feelings. Men are feeling beings, just like the rest of us.

It can be so hard for men who are able to connect with their feelings, to feel deeply, and to express those feelings out in the open. Such men are frequently judged as weak, not only by other men, but also by women, and even by children. I know such feeling men, men with big beautiful hearts, men who care deeply for their families, the people around them, and the world in general. There are many men who try to be the best man that they can be. There are countless beautiful men on the planet at this time.

I have one beautiful male friend who comes to visit and if he can see I am not good, he will ask if I’m okay, and I can answer in detail or not. If I tell him what the problem is, often he will go away and later come back with a solution for me. If I don’t talk about the problem, he will simply come back later, perhaps bring me a small gift and just be here with me. He will just come and help me do something, or just be here. I laughed about this recently to another friend, saying that it’s a very male way of supporting me. This man is so lovely, his beautiful energy is so warm and caring, he offers his support unconditionally. If I don’t want to talk about things, that’s okay. This is how men often are with each other when they know there is a problem; they simply support each other, in deed, not necessarily in words.

Because men tend to keep their feelings bottled up inside themselves, any time they hurt someone they love, they can go into extreme pain, guilt, and self-judgement. Just because most men don’t talk about what they’re feeling, does not mean they are not feeling. Men are made different physically to women, however they still have a heart, they still have feelings, and on the inside they are not so different. The differences in behaviour that we observe between men and women are largely learned.

Women are supported, or at least tolerated, generally speaking, in expressing their feelings, in exploring what they are feeling inside, in searching for the truth, in seeking to find themselves. Although things are changing, many of the more mature men on the planet now have not had this support or these same opportunities. Let’s say men over about 45, who have been raised by parents who held stereotypical views of each gender.

Men need, as much as women, to learn about self-love, and to come to that within themselves. The time is right for men to embrace who they are on the inside, without fearing that it will reduce their outward strength and manliness. I always feel that I am stronger because I am in touch with what is happening inside me. I always feel stronger and clearer after a good cry. Crying is simply cleansing, it clears the energy and makes room for what comes next. Crying is not a sign of weakness; it is like releasing steam from a pressure valve.

Women may feel perfectly entitled to cry when they are stressed, however if their man cries, some women will think them weak. We are different in what we find acceptable for ourselves and for others. That does not make one right and one wrong; it only highlights the difference in perception.

If you have a man in your life, be aware that they may feel judged if they venture into emotional territory. If you are a man and you don’t feel good about yourself, know that you can seek and allow that beautiful feeling person inside, accept and embrace that part of you and love yourself unconditionally. It is your right as much as it is anyone’s right to connect with yourself, to accept yourself, to embrace yourself, and to love the incredible being that you are.

If you find that you need support on this journey, you will find me only too happy to help.

Love and light.

Sue